ok I was idiot, I deleted what I wrote the last days. I should keep them as record. I was so angry and different ways are to make you calm down. one of them was deleting all my writings. to start a new life.

New rules of my life

Ok I am back,

It is better to write somewhere what you think than just talking to yourself like paranoids. so it is why I start to write again.
other reason is, you want to talk with somebody but you dont want to bother with email/text/facebook. you are writing and you have hope maybe one day, your writings will be written.

my starting, are my rules for future.

1) No serious relationship at least for a year, reasons: 1) still you love somebody 2) you dont want to hurt the way you hurt. It really hurt. Nobody can feel it except the people who have the same experience.
No relationship decision, is not any pressure for you because you don't care, there is nothing for you. It is my personal decision. I prefer to be alone with my thoughts. I can't for forget the minutes that I have.

ok let's be fair, I was idiot, it was not me, I didnt have anything to attract you. you absolutely right to dump me. I would do the same. I dont know what happened to me. I was not determined, not ....., just going around, being useless ..... maybe because for first time in my love I was feeling that I do love somebody. but I was stupid, love it mutual, two way, I love you is not enough.
fair enough, I screw my chance but here is the thing. I don't understand in myself. I know your are dating, I know your are ........ around, but still I love you. I was never like that to anybody specially as my culture. it was the end but I just close my eyes and I dont care what you are doing and I say it is fair I ruined it. but what I can do is that I will be open for you if one day, you came back to feeling that maybe you love ........ maybe oneday again I have something to attract you or whatever.